Jake always wants to know, if he and I were on a marriage game show together (is there even such a thing?) would I be able to answer all the questions about him correctly.
We have this conversation about 4 times a year. It's pretty predictable. Jake asks me questions about himself he thinks I should know. I ask him questions about myself I think he should know. Sometimes he gets a question wrong, sometimes I do too.
You think we'd know all the little things about each other by now, but we aren't always that predictable. Maybe it's that we, as individuals and as a unit change.
I've been quiet the past couple of weeks or so. Not just on my blog, but I've noticed even at home, by myself I don't turn on music, I haven't had the same needs to be around people, I haven't been reading, or researching like I usually enjoy. I've been quiet. Trying to figure out what areas in my life that need change, and in what capacity.
Jake and I have been discussing at length what our future looks like; where we will live, what jobs we would like to pursue, when the right time is to start graduate school, where Violet will go to school, when we will have more kids, where we want to travel.
Any one that knows me well, knows that discussions of the what will be's and the what if's make me feel like my heart and brain are sinking into the bottom of my stomach.
There are too many factors into these decisions, and I can't seem to make everything fit together like a perfectly rounded math equation.
But that's not life is it?
Sometimes, we change. Sometimes the questions we thought we once had the answers to, aren't the correct answers any more.
And sometimes, the questions we ask our self are questions we never thought we would have to answer.
In all of this, I have to remind myself to BREATHE, and even...
to take some chances.
P.S. I've started to start a photo blog on tumblr The Many Shades and decided to take a tiny step back from here. I'll still be updating on blogger, but not as regularly (meaning weekly) as I have in the past. The photo blog will share some of the pictures I take through out the week with out my rambling. Feel free to join if you choose... and definitely come back here for my endless chatter. If you have a tumblr, please let me know, I'd love to follow along!
Kathleen
i love your tumblr blog! Beautiful pictures!
ReplyDelete"Sometimes the questions we thought we once had the answers to, aren't the correct answers any more.
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes, the questions we ask our self are questions we never thought we would have to answer." could not have described the current state of my brain in more accurate words. loved this post. heading to check out your tumbling.
Oh my goodness, the quietness I can relate to. It seems like alot of friendships have grown apart over these past weeks; it's like I have been sheltering myself from exposure. There has been good and bad because of it. Our family is in the same place... almost finished with law school, figuring out where to go, where to live. It is is crazy trying to figure out where to move when you could go anywhere. Another baby on the way... :) All big things. Not knowing can be difficult. But I do think it is kind of like an adventure. Anyway, I can relate.
ReplyDeletejohi, I am glad you enjoy :)
ReplyDeleteKimia & Paige- It's comforting I'm not alone in this... sometimes my thoughts drown me out!
We definitely discuss the future all the time and have been working on living more in the present... I'm notorious for making lists of my five-year game plan. But I agree, it does wonders to stop and enjoy the stillness and just breathe.
ReplyDeletedeep thoughts and great philosophical questions. I believe in moments of solitary silence is when we think and come up with the best answers about life and love. I also think nothing in life is ever perfect or should we expect one particular answer or solutions that fits it all. I understand why sometimes its necessary to take a step back in various areas of our life. I sometimes wonder why I even started my blog since I'm intensely private and don't like anyone knowing my thoughts or pondering over my views and pictures. However, your blog and others have given me the motivation to take the step to create a public blog, but I try not to pressure myself with daily updates.
ReplyDelete